Biblical Burns
The Art of the Insult According to Scripture

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21st March 2015
“I was dancing before the Lord who chose me over your father and his whole family.”
- Dave
2 Samuel 6:21 (HCSB)

By biblical standards, Dave was a pretty decent king. When the Ark of the Covenant* was returned to Jerusalem, he partied his hardest, dancing practically naked in front of the procession. Because why not?

The first caustic words in this story come from Michal, Dave's wife, who just happened to be the daughter of the last (failed) king, Saul.

“How the king of Israel honoured himself today!” she remarks, without a hint of sarcasm.

Dave responds how any man of character and position would when facing criticism: he insults her family.

“I was dancing for God who—by the way—chose me over yo’ daddy. And all his family. Like, to be king. So there.”

After a short speech about humility and stuff, the final dagger in this triptych actually comes from the author. To cap off the story he remarks very matter-of-factly “And Saul’s daughter Michal had no child to the day of her death.”

Ouch.

* Basically a wooden box with some important rocks inside.

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